Sorry.

So I haven't posted for two months, been kinda busy. But I couldn't wait to finish How I Met Your Mother so I've raced ahead and finished all six seasons. It's okay though because I have some plans!

• Review new episodes of HIMYM as they come out. This gives me a whole week for each episode.
• Do the same for Doctor Who, starting with Let's Kill Hitler in a few weeks time.
• Start watching Battlestar Galactica which is apparently really good.
• Finish Oliver Twist and Anne of Green Gables, and hopefully start another (more interesting!) book.

We'll see how that goes.

Oliver Twist - Book the First, Chapter the Thirteenth

Reverts to the Merry Old Gentleman and his Youthful Friends, through whom a new Acquaintance is introduced to the intelligent Reader, and connected with whom various pleasant Matters are related appertaining to this History

So it's super duper chapter title length time! Also I am totally banned from saying 'so' for the rest of the review


I am pretty excited to be called 'intelligent' but Fagin is not merry AT ALL

This photo is too good to not use again

WHAT

Jesus Christ the first sentence of this chapter is TWENTY LINES LONG

Charley finds the whole situation hilarious:

"Master Bates..., bursting into an uncontrollable fit of laughter, flung himself upon a door-step..."

Cool.

DOES DODGEY HAVE A BRAIN TUMOUR

"'Toor rul lol loo, gammon and spinnage, the frog he wouldn't, and high cockolorum,' said the Dodger,"

Even cooler.

Fagin is Ragin' (that doesn't rhyme - I don't think - but it should) because he <3 Oliver obvs.
Ok I can't put too many quotes in but this stuff is gold. Fagin is nearly stabbed by a toasting-fork (what is that?) and he is constantly referred to as 'the Jew' as well. Their fight is interrupted, however...

By 'the menacing Bill Sikes'! (thank you, blurb!). Relative/Probable husband of Nancy?! He gets some great dialogue, and Fagin is scared of him (which can't be a good thing). There is some conversation that I don't understand but I think they really hate each other. At least Fagin calls Billy 'my dear' as well.

Nancy and Bet come back and Nancy is persuaded to go find Oliver at the police station (I think there's some casual mild sexism here but it's kinda hard to tell).

Oh man I totally forgot that 'the gentleman' has Oliver! The mysteriousness of the painting... How will Nancy find him? Will they try and kill him to stop him 'peaching'??

I'm Back! (Kind Of)

So I obviously am VERY VERY SORRY but I have had life changes like starting university and moving house and turning 18 but I am back now!!! Although I am unable to promise anything in the way of never leaving again. But I will try very hard. Okay.
I finished Gone, and then went along and read Hunger and Lies. I am a bit annoyed at myself for not being able to stick to the chapter-a-day limit so I am planning to try again with a different book (I am planning to get out The Great Gatsby) and I still have Anne of Green Gables and Oliver Twist to work through. So hopefully you'll be seeing a lot of me from now on! :-)

Gone - Chapter Nine

277 Hours, 06 Minutes

I have just realised that I won't be able to finish Gone before I have to return it to the library if I'm only allowed to read one chapter a day. So i'm going to prioritise reviews of Gone, mostly to the detriment of Oliver Twist and Anne Of Green Gables (as I own those).

We're back with Sam and co., and Astrid has (yet another) brilliant theory: the wall may in fact be a dome, and they can see the sky because of the angle of the light.

Pretty much exactly like this.

And now Edilio (!) has arrived on a digger (!!) but :( because the barrier also goes underground. OH GOD WHAT IS IT

Quinn is all like being a bit of a dick to Edilio (who sounds like the man, btw) and pretty much causally racists at him by insinuating he's an illegal immigrant. Not cool, Quinn. The only reason I still like you right now is that you say 'brah'.

And now the kids are starting to get on each other's nerves. I predict the group will break up about halfway through the book. Although Sam describes Astrid's laugh as

"possibly the sweetest sound he had ever heard."

naaww he still likes her!

Astrid then finds a mutated seagull (I'm guessing this whole people having powers thing ties into that) and Quinn fully shuts down her train of thought >:-(

They drive off on a golf cart (Sam realises that there's only one road out of town lol) but then the bullies decide to chase them in a Hummer.

WHYYYYYYYYYYY PLZ WHY

Oliver Twist - Book the First, Chapter the Twelfth

In which Oliver is taken better Care of than he ever was before. With some particulars concerning a certain picture

Oliver goes off with the Mr Brownlow and tucked into bed, he is

"tended with a kindness and solicitude which knows no bounds."

:-)
I don't suppose it was likely that nice old men just picked orphans off the streets of Victorian London to take care of them, so I suspect Mr Brownlow does somehow have some possible connection to Oliver's past.

Oliver is really sick (I know he doesn't die yet because there's 400ish pages left) but he wakes up (yay) and has a casual conversation about how he dreams of his dead mother (Oliver and Anne should meet up. I bet there's some fanfic somewhere). A random old lady (Mr Brownlow's servant/wife?) wipes her eyes/spectacles in sadness.

Oliver falls asleep and is called 'my dear' again upon waking! I suppose this was a perfectly normal form of address for a strange boy you've only just met in Victorian England.

Oliver recovers more and more and then gets some exciting food!

"...a basin full of broth strong enough to furnish an ample dinner, when reduced to the regulation strength, for three hundred and fifty paupers, at the very lowest computation."

Wow.

Oliver spots a painting on the wall and the old lady explains that they're much better than photos (which have just been invented) as photos are too honest. Well, she was obviously wrong lol. Facebook has billions of photos.

So I'm guessing this painting might provide the link between Oliver and Mr Brownlow? Maybs it's of his mum or something.

Well look at that, Brownlow is startled that Oliver and the painting look exactly alike. Oliver faints in shock.

And next chapter is the longest titled in the book! Exciting times, guys.

Anne of Green Gables - Chapter Ten

Anne's Apology

So I'm guessing Anne is going to apologise to Rachel and come out of her room? Tbh I read chapter nine a week and a half ago and I'm not going to re-read it so I've probably forgotten something vital. This chapter is 9 pages long which is quite depressing as I have absolutely no motivation to read it. But I started this project and I'll stick with it.

Well, look at that, Anne was 'refractory' the next morning. Let's check here:

"PS Since Refractory is 'the quality of a material to retain its strength at high temperatures' I'm guessing Dickens is talking about Oliver's steadfastness even while being abused?"

Vocab crossover! How exciting, and I can infer from the context that in this case it means stubbornness.

Matthew also agrees with Anne and calls Rachel a 'meddlesome old gossip'! How did I not realise how wonderful the Cuthberts are before this moment. Except for the part where Marilla keeps Anne in her room, obvs. Anne doesn't eat the dinners Marilla brings her and Matthew goes upstairs to see how she is.

Now, we've established that Matthew is painfully shy, especially around women. But he has seriously not been upstairs in his own house for FOUR YEARS. Seriously. What happened to being the 'man of the house'? It seems likely that Anne's vivacity will encourage Matthew to come out of his shell a bit. This will be a good thing.

Matthew convinces Anne to apologise to Rachel (ignoring her illuminating query about idiomatic origins) and then flees to the 'remotest corner of the horse pasture'. Anne and Marilla head off to Rachel's, where Anne does an Oscar-worthy apology. Rachel is mollified.

This is Rachel's happy face.

Rachel confesses that she quite likes Anne as Anne is obviously honest. Marilla is conflicted (again!) between amusement and anger. Although she's really quite insulting herself:

"'I'm afraid you are a very vain little girl.' 'How can I be vain when I know I'm homely?' protested Anne."

Oh ANNE.

And next time we're off to Sunday School. Oh Jesus.

Oliver Twist - Book the First, Chapter the Eleventh

Treats of Mr Fang the Police Magistrate, and furnishes a slight Specimen of his Mode of administering Justice

Dickens has some great names, doesn't he?

What would I do without Google Images?

I'm going with the theory that his name is an unsubtle metaphor and that he will be horrible. Like everyone else in Oliver's life ever.

Continuing straight on from last chapter (which I read like a week and a half ago but I won't re-read it because this book is QUITE BORING), Oliver is escorted to a nearby police station after being arrested for stealing. The old gentleman, however, appears to be having second thoughts.

"'There is something in that boy's face,' said the old gentleman to himself as he walked slowly away, tapping his chin with the cover of the book in a thoughtful manner, 'something that touches and interests me. Can he be innocent? He looked like - By the bye,' exclaimed the old gentleman, halting very abruptly, and staring up at the sky, 'God bless my soul! where have I seen something like that look before?'"

Apart from saying 'something in his face touches me' (lol), this paragraph is interesting! Does this man have some connection to Oliver's past?

So a footnote has revealed to me that Mr Fang is based on the real life Mr Laing, who sounds delightful (he was fired after whacking a doctor on the street and calling him a 'damned blackguard') and Dickens got his description of Fang by being smuggled into Laing's office and observing him! I know some of Oliver's life is semi-autobiographical for Dickens, but I didn't realise bad-ass ninja skills were on the table.

LOL, the gentleman gave Mr Fang a card with his name on it and Mr Fang was all like 'I just threw the card away, who are you?' And now they're having a fight LOLOL. Hopefully Oliver escapes/gets off? I really don't want him to end up in jail.

Well, at least Mr Brownlow seems to have realised that it wasn't Oliver's fault and doesn't want him to get in trouble. Also the officer is lying for Oliver because he's too scared to answer Fang's questions! I am liking that officer.

Yes.

Oliver is sentenced to three months hard labour BUT LUCKILY the keeper of the book stall has come to Oliver's rescue and testified for him. Yayy! Um lol, Mr Brownlow actually stole the book he is reading! That is hi-LAR-ious.

Oliver, the book stall keeper and the old gentleman ride off in a coach together. And Oliver is treated well in the next chapter! He must go back to Fagin at some point though which sucks.

Also, I've been thinking about it and I don't think reading more than one book at a time is actually the most efficient way to run this blog. All the books are getting mixed up in my head. So I'll finish the ones that I'm reading now and then we'll see what happens.

I was going to write a separate post with my review of House of Leaves (which I read all in one go while I was away) but it was TOO CRAZY (good though, I'd recommend it) so I won't.

Oliver Twist - Book the First, Chapter the Tenth

Oliver becomes better acquainted with the Characters of his new Associates, and purchases experience at a high Price. Being a short but very important Chapter in this History

That's right guys. It's a two sentence chapter title. Except the chapter titles of this book are actually summaries and I could probably just read them all instead of the book. It would be quicker. I'm on page 73 now and the last page is 455 so I'm 16% through (and by the end of this chapter it'll be 17% LIKE A BOSS)

So, (dammit, there it is again!), Fagin kicks Dodger and Charley down the stairs when they return empty handed, but Olly (this is how I will refer to him from now on) is all like 'oh yeah, that's "stern morality". Um. No. No it isn't. It's child abuse. Thanks for playing.

Olly begs and begs and finally gets a chance to go outside and pick pockets! Probably every boy's dream (I certainly wouldn't mind the skills that Dodgy and Charley have demonstrated.

Ending the names in -y makes them easier to type and they sound better in my head, so I'm sticking to it.

LOLOL, Olly still hasn't twigged that they're thieves? This will be amusing then.

I wanted to tag the characters but this isn't Facebook

Oh no, 'Mr Brownlow' is so engrossed in his book that he won't notice himself being robbed. Um, except he's in "low London of low London". Is he stupid? What does he expect? And now he thinks it was Oliver (I've changed my mind about 'Olly') and Oliver's running away.

Footnote interlude: Punch kills his wife Judy, and then gets away with it by hanging the hangman. If only getting off a murder charge was that simple.

Oliver has been arrested! But he didn't even do it and when they check they'll find that he doesn't have the handkerchief OH WAIT CORRUPTION NEVER MIND

Oliver Twist - Book the First, Chapter the Ninth

Containing further Particulars concerning the pleasant old Gentleman, and his hopeful Pupils

Dickens is being sarcastic, right? Because I don't think Fagin is pleasant at all.

Oooh Oliver is so sneaky that he's pretending to be asleep and Fagin is drawing 'from some trap in the floor, a small box' which contains a gold and diamond watch! And various other jewellery! He then does some mysterious muttering. From what I can other, there may be some more jewellery, but someone who knows something has been hanged (?)

He then notices Oliver is awake and picks up a knife (!) but Oliver fast-talks his way out of it (god i love this kid) and Fagin relaxes. Oliver thinks that Fagin's 'fondness' for taking care of young boys necessitates his living in such horrible conditions while possessing such valuables lol.

Also, Fagin calls Oliver 'my dear'. This seems weird to me.

More like, 'oh dear'.

Jack (am I supposed to call him 'the Dodger' now? It doesn't seem right) and a new guy, Charles, come back from stealing ham and pocketbooks. I'm pretty sure it's unhygienic to eat ham that's been hidden in someone's hat.

They then do some role-playing where Fagin gets Dodger and Charles to steal things from him.

Nancy (who I know is a prostitute) and Bet (who must be one too) go off to 'pad the hoof' with Charles and Dodger. Oliver doesn't understand this sexual innuendo.

LOLOLOLOL

Fagin gets Oliver to pickpocket him, calls him 'my dear' four more times, and starts teaching him in the ways of the thief. This is all getting very exciting.

Oliver Twist - Book the First, Chapter the Eighth

Oliver walks to London, and encounters on the Road a strange sort of young Gentleman

Is this the den of thieves? I assume that this occurs in London and maybe the Gentleman is one of the den? Idk.

Oliver decides to go to London because he has heard that it's a city of opportunity. I'm guessing he's going to have a lot more hardship. He walks 20 miles with only a crust of bread to eat :( and the next day walks 12, and he begs a coach to take him but they won't because he's too exhausted to run.

"In some villages, large painted boards were fixed up, warning all persons who begged within the district that they would be sent to jail, which frightened Oliver very much, and made him glad to get out of them with all possible expedition."

The little shopping arcade on my street has a sign banning busking or begging, too. I suppose the difference is that there are soup kitchens are various support networks available for homeless people now, which didn't exist in Dickens' time.


Luckily Oliver's life is saved by the fact that a couple of people are kind enough to give him food. After a week of walking, he's having a rest when he notices he's being watched.


This new character has 'bow-legs' and 'little sharp ugly eyes'.

I love finding photos that match snippets of description.

Well, the character has now confused Oliver (and me; beak? mill?) and has offered to buy him some food. I SMELL A RAT. This must be the 'young Gentleman' of the title, and I suspect that he will force Oliver to become a thief. Or something.


So after their meal, (Jack Dawkins has a beer lol), they're off to London, to the lodgings of a ''spectable old genelman' who will give Oliver lodgings for free! I know Oliver's 11 and has been starving his whole life but still, obviously a trap.


Ooh, Jack is known as 'The artful Dodger', a name on the blurb AND I KNOW I'VE HEARD THAT BEFORE SOMEWHERE BUT WHERE?!


Man, England has some crazy names. 'Hockley-in-the-hole', for example. What is it even meant to mean?


So London is smelly and dirty and Dickens did NOT just insult the Irish!!! My people > all


Oh noooo! My excitement here about a 'merry old gentleman' was, I believe, directed at Fagin, an 'arch-villain' (according to the blurb) and described quite unappealingly in this passage! Oh irony


Well, Oliver's in the thieves den now, and I am reminded again of Dickens ability to keep me engrossed even when his language is impenetrable. I guess there's a reason he's one of the most famous writers ever...

Anne of Green Gables - Chapter Six

Marilla makes up her Mind

I've noticed that my reviews for this book are quite a lot shorter than for Oliver Twist and Gone, so I'll try and write a longer review for this chapter.

Marilla explains to Mrs Spencer that there's been 'a queer mistake' and the message has somehow got garbled from Mrs Spencer's brother Robert, to his daughter Nancy, and then to Mrs Spencer. Why didn't Marilla just ask Mrs Spencer directly? Maybe now she's learnt her lesson that MINOR BOOK CHARACTERS CAN NEVER BE TRUSTED.

Lesson. Learnt.

Luckily, Mrs Peter Blewett (I really hope that's her husband's name and not hers) is looking for a little orphan girl! But how can the book be Anne of Green Gables if Anne leaves Green Gables?! Answer: it can't so she obviously doesn't.

Mrs Peter is horrible and Marilla feels 'a qualm of conscience' about handing Anne over. Well gee, Marilla, at least you have a small conscience. But she knows Anne is so miserable that she won't let Mrs Peter take her! Orphans 1, cruel oppressors 0 (Actually orphans get 2 for Oliver's BAMF escape from his place of employment).

Lol, Anne insults Mrs Peter (I think, what's a gimlet?) and Marilla has to hide an amused smile.

"[The Cuthberts] soon find it hard to remember what Green Gables was like without Anne Shirley."

This quote is from the blurb and we can clearly see Marilla being won over yeah! Go Anne, you feisty orphan you.

Okay. Are they married, or siblings?? I think they must be siblings because she says she's never had kids and is an old maid, and Matthew's a bachelor, so they MUST be siblings.

Next chapter: Anne says her prayers! Although something else must happen too as its 4.5 pages long.

There, that's a bit more reasonable length!

Oliver Twist - Book the First, Chapter the Seventh

Oliver continues refractory

Wikipedia's page on 'Refractory' was not particularly helpful to me in trying to understand what Dickens is saying (I'm guessing it's not the sexual meaning) but I'll read on anyway.

Noah runs all the way to the workhouse pausing 'not once for breath', to get Mr Bumble, who 'with a gleam of pleasure in his metallic eyes', is only too ready to listen to Noah. Metallic eyes?

My revised mental image of Mr Bumble.

The gentleman in the white waistcoat, passing, agrees with Noah, remarked that he always thought Oliver would be hung (which he did). They manage to twist (lol) Noah's words enough so that Oliver sounds even worse and send Mr Bumble (which I now hear in my head as talking like a robot) to cane Oliver.

THEN (and this is omg) Mr Bumble explains that Oliver has been overfed and now has 'a artificial spirit'. OKAY, BUMBLE, lets give all the orphans the minimum of gruel so they're too exhausted to challenge the status quo! If he wasn't made of metal I would SO strangle him right now.

You know what this next scene reminded me of? Harry Potter. Oliver and Mrs Sowerberry argue, with Mrsd Sowerberry telling Oliver that his mother 'deserved what [Noah] said, and worse'. Um, Aunt Petunia much? Mr Sowerberry then gives Oliver a 'drubbing'. So Oliver decides to escape.

This is very, very exciting to me. He's soooo brave! And he sees his old friend Dick who is dying :-( and Dick blesses Oliver and Oliver had never heard anyone say that before :((

And now he's off to London!

PS Since Refractory is 'the quality of a material to retain its strength at high temperatures' I'm guessing Dickens is talking about Oliver's steadfastness even while being abused?

Anne of Green Gables - Chapter Four

Morning at Green Gables

I'm lovin' Anne because of her imaginative descriptions and childhood innocence.

But oh no, here's Marilla:

"'It's time you were dressed,' she said curtly."

Oh Marilla. We all know you're going to stop hatin' Anne soon enough. Just give in. She's so adorable.

After another page-long monologue (!) Anne goes to breakfast WITHOUT TURNING BACK THE BEDCLOTHES. This will obviously result in the death of a dolphin.

Now Anne, who has been allowed to play, is declining because 'There is no use is loving things if you have to be torn from them". Actually, Anne, isn't love of any kind still vital?

Bonny the geranium! This is so ridiculous that I lol'd. And Snow Queen the cherry-tree! Anne is actually great.

I'm planning to start reading/reviewing a third book (crazy, I know), but I think I'll get something quite a bit more recent. I have The Old Curiosity Shop and Robinson Crusoe sitting on my bedside table but I really feel like something more modern for a change. I might go to the library tomorrow.

Oliver Twist - Book the First, Chapter the Sixth

I know, I know! It's called 'Chapter a Day Book Reviews' and it's been almost a week since my last post. I'm sorry. I'll try and keep it regular from now on, but I can't make any promises.

Oliver, being goaded by the Taunts of Noah, rouses into Action, and rather astonishes him

Oh dear :s

So, Oliver becomes very popular with people because of his funeral work. In fact, he receives

"the indescribable admiration and emotion of all the mothers in the town."

If there wasn't another 410 pages to go (I'm 9.89% finished, guys!), I could almost think that Oliver will stay where he is and grow up, certainly not happy and healthy, but at least alive. But I doubt it.

Noah is now being even more horrible to Oliver because he's jealous of Oliver's success, and Charlotte and Mrs Sowerberry are being horrible as well. Wikipedia explained to me that Charlotte is the Sowerberry's maidservant (and also that she's in love with Noah, oops) so that clears that mystery up.

"And now I come to a very important passage in Oliver's history, for I have to record an act, slight and unimportant perhaps in appearance, but which indirectly produced a most material change in all his future prospects and proceedings."

WHAT IS IT

I'm guessing Oliver's courage will shine through again when he challenges Noah. I hope it makes Oliver sound like the man (because he clearly is anyway).

Okay, Noah's about to get 'rather personal'. Raaaathar. This should be quotable.

I was right!

"'Tol de rol lol lol, right fol lairy, work'us', said Noah,"

Okay, first of all, WHAT. I don't even. Secondly, DID CHARLES DICKENS INVENT LOL?!? He is my new idol if this is true (and I already <3 him for being on Doctor Who).

Dammit Noah, insulting Oliver for having a dead mother is REALLY the lowest of the low. I would siriusly know.

OMG Oliver strangled Noah and threw him to the ground LIKE A BOSS YESSSSS

And now they're sending for Mr Bumble and have locked Oliver in a room. And so this chapter actually ends on a cliffhanger and I am excited to see what happens next!

Anne of Green Gables - Chapter Three

Marilla Cuthbert is Surprised

Okay, I'm so excited right now for Marilla to be flabbergasted.

"'Matthew Cuthbert, who's that?' she ejaculated."

Lol @ ejaculated. Also, must she call her husband (brother?) by his full name? After Anne has a little cry:

"Something like a reluctant smile, rather rusty from long disuse, mellowed Marilla's grim expression."

Rusty smile? Marilla has a rusty smile. Just say that out loud. How stupid does it sound? Rusty smile.

Marilla is actually hilarious. Even though she's treating Anne as if she's not as good as herself, and is unworthy of being treated well, it just comes off as humourous. Unlike in Oliver Twist, where it's horrible.

Well, obviously Anne is going to stay otherwise there wouldn't be a book (and there's a series of nine more but I'm not planning to read those).

"The whole apartment was of a rigidity not to be described in words, but which sent a shiver to the very marrow of Anne's bones."

People are so horrible to orphans! If I ever meet one I will be extra nice.

Okay, I probably shouldn't use so many quotes in my review, but "Marilla's astonishment could not have been greater if Matthew had expressed a predilection for standing on his head."? Seriously? This woman is the queen of over-reacting.

Anne cried herself to sleep :(:(:(:(:(

Oliver Twist - Book the First, Chapter the Fifth

I'm sorry I didn't post yesterday! Unexpected engagements popped up.

Oliver mingles with new Associates, and, Going to a Funeral for the first time, forms an unfavourable Notion of his Master's Business

Oliver (who's still only 8 I'm pretty sure) is now scared that there might be monsters in the coffins.

Terrifying.

Ok, he's actually eleven, and now some new random is going to beat him up
:(

He's called Noah, and he's Oliver's new boss. Charlotte (Noah's boss's wife?) tells Noah to leave Oliver alone, to which Noah replies that Oliver's parents have left Oliver alone his entire life. Charlotte and Noah share 'a hearty laugh'.

whyyyyyyyy

Okay, now Oliver is to become a 'mute' for children: someone who stands silently during children's funerals. Mr Bumble (who seems to keep cropping up) supplies Mr Sowerberry with the details of a recent death so he can arrange a funeral.

Dickens is throwing this anti-establishment message at us pretty hard, isn't he? The worst part is that the poverty isn't exaggerated :s

Oliver Twist - Book the First, Chapter the Fourth

Oliver, being offered another Place, makes his first Entry into Public Life

I am hopeful that Oliver will soon be treated well even though I know it is unlikely! Maybe he'll get some money like Pip in Great Expectations (verrrrry boring book btw. Don't read it).

OH NO Dickens is talking about sending people to sea! I dearly hope that Oliver does not at all go to sea because the sea is horrible:

"...the skipper would either flog him to death, in a playful mood, some day after dinner, or knock his brains out with an iron bar..."

Well, that was a satisfying dinner! I feel like playing a game now! Let's play WHIP ORPHANS TO DEATH!

No. Just no.

Mr Bumble goes out looking for a ship to dump Oliver on, but instead bumps into Mr Sowerberry, (is that pronounced sour-berry? These names are ridiculous), the undertaker (!). And it turns out Mr Sowerberry wants an apprentice. So Oliver goes to live with him.

AND HAS TO SLEEP WITH THE COFFINS!!!

Why is everything soooo horrible?

Anne of Green Gables - Chapter One

So, I thought I'd shake things up by reading another book about an orphan at the same time as I'm reading Oliver Twist. Anne of Green Gables was first published in 1908, so it's only 102 (103? The new year is so confusing) years old, and therefore will hopefully be easier to read!

Mrs Rachel Lynde is Surprised

In this chapter we meet Rachel, who sounds a bit like an obsessive-compulsive stalker:

"Rachel Lynde was one of those capable creatures who can manage their own concerns and those of other folks into the bargain."

Mmm, no thanks.

Maybe Anne will loosen up Rachel and get her away from knitting and running the Sunday school? We also meet Rachel's husband who is "meek" hahaha. It sounds like he would have to be. 

I just read through the chapter list and I cannot wait for Chapter 9, 'Mrs Rachel Lynde is Properly Horrified'. It sounds great.

Rachel stalking leads her to investigate Matthew Cuthbert, who is shy and unrevealing, as she sees him riding off in his best clothes.

"Mrs Rachel, ponder as she might, could make nothing of it, and her afternoon's enjoyment was spoiled."

So she's only happy when she knows exactly what everyone around her is doing. She sounds like a fab control freak.

We now meet Marilla, Matthew's sister/wife(?) when Rachel decides to do a bit of snooping to find out what Matthew is up to. I have to say, Rachel IS observant. I suspect that Matthew has gone to pick up Anne, as Green Gables is the name of their house.

I was right:

"'Yes, of course,' said Maria, as if getting boys from orphan asylums in Nova Scotia were part of the usual spring work on any well-regulated Avonlea farm instead of being an unheard-of innovation."

Lol.

Rachel tells Marilla not to get an orphan, citing various cases in which orphans were unruly/murderous. Marilla then has a (slightly sexist?) mini-rant about how they're not getting a girl.

Oh Marilla, don't you understand that as a book character things will never happen the way you want them to?

Oliver Twist - Book the First, Chapter the Third

Relates how Oliver Twist was Very Near Getting a Place, Which Would Not Have Been a Sinecure

I headed off to Wiktionary to discover what a sinecure was, and learnt that it means 'a position that requires no work but still gives a payment'. This is a fair description of the chimney sweeping work he is offered by Mr Gamfield.

Not very much happens in this chapter, to be honest. A lot of adults are very horrible to Oliver, except the magistrates, who notice that he is unhappy and forbid him to go with Mr Gamfield. Oliver is returned to solitary confinement and the poster advertising him is put back up again.

I suspect, however, that we have not seen the last of Mr Gamfield, as I find it unlikely that he would be introduced so pointlessly. This chapter ends exactly how it begins (everyone hates Oliver a bit more, but that's the only difference), and I don't think Dickens would have put such a random chapter in here for no reason. But we'll see.

Oliver Twist - Book the First, Chapter the Second

Treats of Oliver Twist's Growth, Education, and Board

Does he mean 'treatment' when he uses the word treats? Slightly confusing.

So, in the second chapter, we learn about Oliver growing up. And he has a hard life. After using some extraordinarily long sentences (81 words!) we learn that Oliver is 'farmed' to another workhouse 3 miles off (so there goes my theory about him being brought up by drunk nurse), and supervised by an old lady who takes most of the money allotted for the care of the children and spends it on herself:

"thereby finding in the lowest depth a deeper still".

 The woman gets the children to exist "upon the smallest possible portion of the weakest possible food", and a very large number of them die.

I can see why Oliver will run away.

Also, they always know when inspections will be, so the children can be made to look all neat. Grrr, ill-treatment of children really infuriates me.

And now we fast-forward to Oliver's eighth birthday, and are introduced to two new characters: Mrs Mann, the "good lady of the house" (I already hate her), and Mr Bumble the beadle (a type of policeman I think).

Wait.

His name is MR BUMBLE?? How could anyone ever take him seriously.

What I imagine Mr Bumble looks like.

Mr Bumble is angry at being locked out, but Mrs Mann flatters him and he calms down. Also, he has a cane and is fat. They go into the brick-floored (?!) parlour, and Mr Bumble has some gin (and is pleased to hear that Mrs Mann gives it to the children, although as they gave children opium, gin is not so bad). No-one's ever found Oliver's dad, and Mr Bumble named Oliver.

Prediction: Oliver's dad will turn up again later in the book. Maybe as a thief, or maybe as dead, but he won't just be dropped.

"...Oliver was then led away by Mr Bumble from the wretched home where one kind word or look had never lighted the gloom of his infant years."

:-(

He's interviewed by the board (and he gets confused and thinks it's going to be a living piece of wood which is amusing), and is told he has to pick 'oakum' by picking apart old rope. Apparently it rips up your fingers.

I'm not quite sure I understood the next bit, but a law was passed that made more poor people die by a combination of less food and more work? However, the end bit of the chapter I understood very well.

"'Please, sir, I want some more.'"

Even though Oliver was chosen by lot to go up and ask, he's very brave! And I've heard this line of the story before, of course, it's very well-known. Oliver is abused by the master (I hate him now too), and Mr Bumble is called. The next exchange was quite amusing:

"The board were sitting in solemn conclave when Mr Bumble rushed into the room in great excitement, and addressing the gentleman in the high chair, said, - 'Mr Limbkins, I beg your pardon, sir; - Oliver Twist has asked for more.' There was a general start. Horror was depicted on every countenance."

The amusement vanishes when Mr Limbkins orders that Oliver is to be hung! (And shouldn't it be hanged?) The gentleman in the white waistcoat puts up a poster saying they'll pay someone 5 pounds to take Oliver off their hands. And that's the end of the chapter.

Now, the blurb definitely says he runs away, so either someone takes him and then he runs away, or he just runs away. I'm not sure what it will be, especially as he's locked in solitary confinement at the moment. However, I am quite excited to find out tomorrow!