The Colour of Magic - Pages 15 - 30

It starts on page 15, I didn't miss anything, don't worry.

Terry Pratchett uses such exciting words! Bifurcated: split into two parts. Octarine!

"By now the whole of downtown Morpork was alight, and the richer and worthier citizens of Ankh on the far bank were bravely responding to this situation by feverishly demolishing the bridges."

Lol.

Wait, is this the fire that was described in the prologue?  IMMA GUESS YES.

We are now introduced to two characters: Weasel, who is short and cat-like, and a tall swordsman. They decide to rob someone approaching them, fleeing from the city, as they need money to buy food and 'a soft bed' (and probably ale because that's what fantasy characters always drink).

NOW FOOTNOTE TIME YAY


'Turnwise' and 'widdershins'? This is so great. Also RINCEWIND
<3 <3 <3

So, Rincewind's travelling companion, Twoflower (Discworld's first tourist; thank you blurb) started the fire, apparently. Meanwhile, a box-on-legs that is magical is also with Rincewind. This is EXCITING. Also, I was wrong about the ale; they are now drinking wine. The river is diverted to flood the city and put out the fire.

Wait. I assumed that Rincewind was the 'young cosmochelonian' in the prologue, but this would seem to suggest that he is not. I am intrigued.


OMG Twoflower has four eyes??? WTF. Also, loving how he 'says' ? and !. Ooh, now here's our Fagin character (maybs), Ymor! Lol Twoflower just paid for his lodgings with coins worth four times the value of the property. I guess that would be like dropping a casual mill as you left a B&B.


Oh man, I have to stop reading now. This chapter a day thing is killing me.

Gone - Chapter Four

297 Hours, 40 Minutes

The kids decide to head off to the plaza (makes sense), only to discover a building on fire! Luckily Sam is around to inexplicably redemonstrate his braveness and leadership skills! He's just like those forty kids standing around gawking, only better!

Okay, I'll stop with the ! now. But seriously.

So they have to save some babies and the hardware store. And Sam is all BAMF:

""Dudes: Not tomorrow. Now. Now. Go! Quinn? You better go with them. We want to wet down the hardware—that’s where the wind will take the fire next." Quinn hesitated. People were not getting this. How could they not see that they had to do something, not just stand around?"

Also, 'this isn't the Disney Channel'. Well thanks for reminding us about that, Sam.

The disappearances are a punishment. She is the reason.

Also, Edilio is here! How do you even say that name? E-dee-lee-oh? So many -ee sounds.

""If you’re going in there, wrap this around your face." Somehow Astrid had come up with a wet cloth, borrowed from someone and soaked. "Did I say I was going in there?" Sam asked."

You didn't have to say it, Sam. We all knew it was going to happen.

Okay, so now Sam (WHO IS FOURTEEN, GUYS. FOURTEEN) is crawling through the building trying to save someone. Probably the someone will turn out to be important because this is a book.

O. M. G.

THE GIRL JUST SHOT FIRE OUT OF HER HANDS WTFFFFFFFF


I guess this is those powers I've heard of, then.

"Not thinking, just reacting, Sam extended his arm, palm out. There was a flash of light, bright as an exploding star."

Sam has a power too? That makes sense. Astrid had better have a power or I will be so mad.

"She was black, black by race and from the coating of soot."

Oh Michael Grant. What amazing description work here. The little girl died though :-(. And Sam doesn't feel better knowing that there's other people with powers out there. Prediction: the school bully will get a power. C'mon. It's gotta happen.

Oliver Twist - Book the First, Chapter the Ninth

Containing further Particulars concerning the pleasant old Gentleman, and his hopeful Pupils

Dickens is being sarcastic, right? Because I don't think Fagin is pleasant at all.

Oooh Oliver is so sneaky that he's pretending to be asleep and Fagin is drawing 'from some trap in the floor, a small box' which contains a gold and diamond watch! And various other jewellery! He then does some mysterious muttering. From what I can other, there may be some more jewellery, but someone who knows something has been hanged (?)

He then notices Oliver is awake and picks up a knife (!) but Oliver fast-talks his way out of it (god i love this kid) and Fagin relaxes. Oliver thinks that Fagin's 'fondness' for taking care of young boys necessitates his living in such horrible conditions while possessing such valuables lol.

Also, Fagin calls Oliver 'my dear'. This seems weird to me.

More like, 'oh dear'.

Jack (am I supposed to call him 'the Dodger' now? It doesn't seem right) and a new guy, Charles, come back from stealing ham and pocketbooks. I'm pretty sure it's unhygienic to eat ham that's been hidden in someone's hat.

They then do some role-playing where Fagin gets Dodger and Charles to steal things from him.

Nancy (who I know is a prostitute) and Bet (who must be one too) go off to 'pad the hoof' with Charles and Dodger. Oliver doesn't understand this sexual innuendo.

LOLOLOLOL

Fagin gets Oliver to pickpocket him, calls him 'my dear' four more times, and starts teaching him in the ways of the thief. This is all getting very exciting.

The Colour of Magic - Prologue

So basically VERY EXCITE because I've been wanting to read this book for ageeees. And I went and got it from the library today!

EXCITING

And it looks like this and apparently the books are really really good and I'm so keen to read them all (I know there's like 40 but i don't even care) ahhh!!! Did I mention excited?!?!

So, all I know is that Discworld is a planet that's flat (and rimwise is a direction?) and it's carried on the back of a turtle (/elephants?) and it's just amazing in general. So. Here goes:

Well.

The prologue is only 2 pages but my expectations are so high that they were 2 good pages! So yeah, the Discworld is on elephants that are on a turtle and 'hubward'!

And a young 'cosmochelonian' (not sure if that's a real word but I won't look it up in case of spoilers) is the first person to witness "the burning of the oldest city in the world."...

Flipping through the book, it appears not to have chapters (BUT IT DOES HAVE FOOTNOTES AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING) so I'm not sure how I'll review it. Maybe every 15 pages or so?

I'm not sure how my review schedule is going to go; you may have noticed I'm not updating every book every day. I'll try and get 2 or 3 reviews a day up but it might only be 1. Probably won't be able to do 4.

Anne of Green Gables - Chapter Seven

Anne says her Prayers

Really? That is the title of this chapter: Anne says her Prayers.

So the chapter starts off with Marilla being all "tidy up your clothes or you're not a girl" AND THEN

"'I never say any prayers,' announced Anne. Marilla looked with horrified astonishment."

Okay, probably the only good thing about this book is the amount of horror that Anne can evoke in 'respectable' adults. She is obviously amazing and I hope Marilla (and Mrs Rachel Lynde!) will become better people because of Anne's influence.

 "Marilla decided that Anne's religious training must be begun at once. Plainly there was no time to be lost."

Oh dear, Marilla.

There's not much more to say really as this chapter is so short. It was suitably hilarious though.

Gone - Chapter Three

298 Hours, 5 Minutes

Switch back to Sam, Quinn and Astrid to create SUSPENSE! They meet some other kids who have no purpose in life now that their parents are gone. Sam tells the kids to eat a cookie then head for the plaza.

They go to Sam's house (Sam's dad has been out of Sam's life for years. FAMILY TRAUMA) and of course his mother isn't there. But he's hiding something from Astrid? Is it a shrine to her OMG

""Sometimes impossible things happen," Sam said. "No, they don't," Astrid argued. "The universe has laws. All the stuff we learn in science class. You know, like the laws of motion, or that nothing can go as fast as the speed of light. Or gravity. Impossible things don't happen. That’s what impossible means." Astrid bit her lip. "Sorry. It's not really the time for me to be lecturing, is it?""

It's ALWAYS lecture time with Astrid.

Okay, Sam just has a weird glowing light into his closet. This reminds of the windows in the air in His Dark Materials (best series ever, btw). So THAT'S why the book has focused on Sam; he already has a connection to impossible things.

OMG SAM'S MUM'S DIARY IS SO MYSTERIOUS AND THE CHAPTER JUST ENDED ZOMGGGG

Oliver Twist - Book the First, Chapter the Eighth

Oliver walks to London, and encounters on the Road a strange sort of young Gentleman

Is this the den of thieves? I assume that this occurs in London and maybe the Gentleman is one of the den? Idk.

Oliver decides to go to London because he has heard that it's a city of opportunity. I'm guessing he's going to have a lot more hardship. He walks 20 miles with only a crust of bread to eat :( and the next day walks 12, and he begs a coach to take him but they won't because he's too exhausted to run.

"In some villages, large painted boards were fixed up, warning all persons who begged within the district that they would be sent to jail, which frightened Oliver very much, and made him glad to get out of them with all possible expedition."

The little shopping arcade on my street has a sign banning busking or begging, too. I suppose the difference is that there are soup kitchens are various support networks available for homeless people now, which didn't exist in Dickens' time.


Luckily Oliver's life is saved by the fact that a couple of people are kind enough to give him food. After a week of walking, he's having a rest when he notices he's being watched.


This new character has 'bow-legs' and 'little sharp ugly eyes'.

I love finding photos that match snippets of description.

Well, the character has now confused Oliver (and me; beak? mill?) and has offered to buy him some food. I SMELL A RAT. This must be the 'young Gentleman' of the title, and I suspect that he will force Oliver to become a thief. Or something.


So after their meal, (Jack Dawkins has a beer lol), they're off to London, to the lodgings of a ''spectable old genelman' who will give Oliver lodgings for free! I know Oliver's 11 and has been starving his whole life but still, obviously a trap.


Ooh, Jack is known as 'The artful Dodger', a name on the blurb AND I KNOW I'VE HEARD THAT BEFORE SOMEWHERE BUT WHERE?!


Man, England has some crazy names. 'Hockley-in-the-hole', for example. What is it even meant to mean?


So London is smelly and dirty and Dickens did NOT just insult the Irish!!! My people > all


Oh noooo! My excitement here about a 'merry old gentleman' was, I believe, directed at Fagin, an 'arch-villain' (according to the blurb) and described quite unappealingly in this passage! Oh irony


Well, Oliver's in the thieves den now, and I am reminded again of Dickens ability to keep me engrossed even when his language is impenetrable. I guess there's a reason he's one of the most famous writers ever...